I sensed the change before we spoke. I shut down my system to everyone else but you. I fell in complete silence, I walked quicker than usual, I spoke firm and unfriendly.

I realize that I dropped myself a while ago and have not stood up ever since.

I used to feel excitement over the joy of beauty, now beauty is no longer enough to keep me from madness. The beauty I have seen is devoid of warmth, and I type this as I sit in the midst of a cold wind blowing in my direction.

I sit here while thinking I am done with this chapter. I got what I wanted and extracted as much as I could, realizing now that it was not nectar.

I read a quote that luxury is being unrushed. And all I have been doing is living in anxiety.

I welcome the sacred again, I welcome the breath of God in me. Only the pilgrim in me can survive this, now that I have become in love.

I am ready to surrender to you…

The most dangerous sentence I have ever typed.