I like you, lover
If I can have you not, I do not want you
The spell is broken
I become awake and conscious
What a shame, lover, I was hoping ease would greet me into romance.
I got a bit ahead of myself again, but it is okay.
I enjoyed as you did and now I am praising Whitman’s poetry.

This is not goodbye. This is frustration at play in a lonely friday night. Sometimes I felt warmth, as you spoke of either bare bodies as one or leather tops, skirts & straps. I thought I could use these to combat the cold winds blowing in my direction.
I say ignore until it passes, I say do not be rude.
I linger in vain, in hope, in disgrace, for I know how this will end. What is this masochism?
Forget, live, write, ignore until he himself gives up.
I will be nearby, he can come if he wants. No visiting the hut. I shall stay with Liberty’s sons.

Saddened, I’d be drinking with heartbroken ones, listen to them burst into tears and fits of anger. Watch as they prepare to wage war unto others. I understand.
I sit with them and understand. They feel they have lost their home, they feel they will never belong anymore. They feel dead already. I sit with them for I understand.

I lost my home too, years ago that was. I was dehydrated face down in a desert, I was almost crossed to the other side. I was recklessly crossing streets, roads, I became almost mad wanting to jump out of my body. I wanted to be in the nothingness of space. I did not want to be matter anymore. Not another human, not another organism, not a wandering soul. I wanted out of the soul.

Since then, I am aware I have no attachments to Earth. If I am to die tomorrow, that’s okay. I have enjoyed many coffees, I have dived into luxuries. I have seen beautiful foreign sights. But in my heart, I admit I would have longed to love someone and have that person love me back. It would be a shame to leave that pending. I must work on that.

How to know you mustn’t leave just yet? Got anything pending like myself? Then don’t go yet, fulfil your wishes, work on your list, follow your gut, experience what you must. Life will surely take care of the rest for you.

For me, a loving, trust-worthy man I can feel safe with, I can travel with. Someone who also waves at the stars. Tears in my eyes, reader… tears in my eyes.