Some days ago I was in such a grave state that I could see people’s skeletons through their body.
My grief was such that I dropped my own temperature. I even blamed it on an unknown ghostly presence. I felt the ancient hand of the first grim reaper firmly holding my left ankle, ready to pull it.
I cannot do this to my mother.
As I reach out to the depths of my soul, this is the only message.

I felt and witnessed the mind rejecting love and care being offered to me, any amount of it was rejected. The body behaving as a corpse that is too late to save. I was so cold that night, dear reader, mentally checked out. Impossibly emotional.

Have you also felt the weight of a weary mind? Day and night busy recounting. In rememberance of the mask-wearing faceless men and women. What’s truly important to you, dear reader? What is on your mind the most?

Idyllic escapades are a necessity when your daily life is lacking. However, even in those idyllic days you have access to, the nightmare is not kept away for long.

Beauty cannot kill loneliness. What is pretty and shiny will become dull and uninteresting. You can have your favorite of everything. A royal cabinet of curiosities. It won’t beat the dogs. It won’t kill the shadow. It won’t kill the longing for death.

Music is able to stitch me together momentarily, as long as I vibe to it.

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I am on a boat with him, he is asleep as I write. As I come to terms with fate and insecurities. With unknowables.

He hugged me tight as I quickly sank. I mentioned to him how the TV screen looked so black that reminded me of a black hole, this made me smile, the idea of a portal whose workings are completely unknown sparked my interest.
I held back my tears multiple times in public. I just wanted to let it out.

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I have gone back and forth as days pass by, revising these paragraphs, adding, deleting, pondering. I will leave it like that, I have much more to write.