“Thou sacred love, thou hast been persecuted from the beginning and hast been soaked in blood. Love, sacred love.”

– Alexey Tolstoy, Tsar Feodor Ioannovic.

I had one such dream, dear reader, that reminded me of a longing so very deep which I put to sleep, hoping it would not wake to torment me.

I cannot say I have had a dreamy love life in practice. A melting of two hearts. A fusion of souls.

I have done it all wrong, dear readers, I should have not settled for any less than, despite the guarantee of ending up alone. I want to say next time I will fight the urge to jump head-first.

I wrote in a post-it note some time ago that “love can also be a mindless thing,” anything potentially addictive is a cop out. A delusion of love for love’s sake. Anything to avoid aloneness, to secure a sense of worth and beauty.

It’s not your partner’s job to make you feel at home. That is your primary job. You cannot fire yourself nor delegate as a task. Your home is within, you create it, you discover your temple. Only then can you welcome others. Once you are home unto yourself. If not, the growing void will follow you and take over your life and the blame will be on those around you or the world at large.

If you find yourself keeping many secrets, you should take time off and retrieve to your cave for deep soul-searching.

May you find home and thusly your sacred love.